Give Thanks, The Rest is Gravy

I’m hosting Thanksgiving tomorrow at my home for my family of five and my sister’s family of five, as well.

And while technically I’ve hosted a couple of times in the past, it was because I was too pregnant to fly to Pittsburgh where we normally celebrate with my husband’s family over the traditional fare of turkey, stuffing and plenty of sweetness in the way of brown sugared potatoes, family visits and treats. And when it comes to my previous hosting, I don’t think they really count as grownup gigs, as my mom did the cooking, and I’m pretty sure we ate on paper plates, albeit the fancy ones that you don’t have to double up.

This morning while I was rearranging furniture, because that’s what you do when you have a meal to plan and prep, I asked Alexa to play Natalie Merchant. I’ve been in a nostalgic space of late brought on intentionally by the feeling of burnout and the grief, old and new, stirred up by my grandmother’s recent passing. I went to a new therapist who praised me for my inner wisdom to take a “pause moment” as she called it.

I’m trying to slow down and breathe which lead to a bittersweet family decision to stay in the Atl this year instead of flying to Pittsburgh. The self reflection has also included plenty of looking back in an effort to move forward, including listening to music that I either forgot I liked or have been too preoccupied to enjoy.

This morning, I asked Alexa to play Natalie Merchant, and in her creepy, infinite wisdom, she started with “Kind and Generous.” How apropos, right? The song is an homage to gratitude. In it she thanks someone for their kindness, generosity and love, and as I listened to the lyrics, I couldn’t help but think about how cool it would be if she was singing those words to herself.

I know Thanksgiving is about being with the people we love and being thankful for our many blessings. But this year, for me anyway, it’s about that and more…or maybe less. It’s about just being. Being thankful for the blessings but also for the loss, the frustration, the disappointment and even the confusion. Because the pain, in an odd way, is the food that nourishes our soul, strengthens our character and ensures that the blessings don’t go unnoticed.

So while I’ll be missing my in-laws this year and my mother-in-law’s mandel bread (a yummy Jewish cookie that’s like homemade biscotti), I will be happy to skip the packing and rental carseat installation this year. And I’ll be thankful to be in my home with a full belly (f I don’t screw up the turkey) and a heart full of gratitude for all that this life has been, is and will be.

And to stay in this space, here are a few songs I’m listening to today via my earbuds while my son watches Transformers.

1. Kind & Generous, Natalie Merchant

   I’m not sure who she’s thanking in this delightful tune from her second solo album, Ophelia, which has so many good ones BTW, but as previously mentioned, I like to think she’s singing grateful praise to herself.

2. Dear Mama, Tupac Shakur

   From her “miracles every Thanksgiving” to her never-ending support, Tupac lets his mama know that not only is she loved, she’s understood and appreciated, and in my book, that’s even better. It’s also a poignant homage the moms struggling in the face of poverty and injustice and a reminder that being busy with too much to cook or prep is a helluva lot better than not having enough to eat.

3. Thank You, Alanis Morissette

   As evident by the opening line, this song was inspired by the alt-rock angst queen’s trip to India. And prior to last week, I’d heard it a bazillion times and always remembered the video from VH1 (because by then MTV had stopped showing videos) where she was standing in the streets baring her soul…and her body. But when I really listened to it the other day, I heard a powerful message that had previously gone unnoticed, “The moment I let go was the moment I got more than I could handle. The moment I jumped off was the moment I touched down.” Talk about wisdom.

4. I Want to Thank You, Otis Redding

   Otis Redding is one of my all-time favorite artists, and I have to be honest, I’d never heard this song until I googled “songs about gratitude.” When I saw his name pop up, I perked up and took a listen to this sweet, simple tune about love that won’t disappoint because it’s Otis.

5. Thank You, Led Zeppelin

   This song was written by Plant and Page and with lines like, “Thanks to you it will be done. For you to me are the only one,” it’s a romantic tribute to Plant’s then-wife Maureen. And as someone who is embarking on a writing journey myself, I was tickled to learn that it marked the beginning of Plant’s deeper dive into songwriting and showed Jimmy that not only could Plant belt out hits, he could write them, too.

6. Walls No. 3, Tom Petty

   I Adore Tom Petty. He’s my hero, my muse, my therapist…I could go on, but I have to research how to cook a turkey. And while trying to pick a favorite Petty tune is like being asked to pick a favorite kid, this one is certainly in the top three for me. And while it’s lyrics may not be as obviously on theme as the others, the message is right on key when it comes to keeping perspective and peace, two things often lost this time of year.

And whether you’re home getting ready to host or traveling, tune up the songs that help you slow your mind down, and remember that gratitude for it all is what it’s all about. The rest is just gravy, which my sister is making along with party green beans (fancy for green bean casserole) and my Grandmama’s cornbread dressing, and for that, I’m thankful.