Mothers Know Best

Photo by Julien Pouplard on Unsplash

My husband Matt and I had grand plans to watch the presidential debate together. We divided to conquer bedtime with our three young kids so we’d be couch side with popcorn before the first political punch flew. But after a long week, we inadvertently tucked ourselves in, and by the time we returned to the land of the living, the debate had started and our oldest was wide awake.

Unwilling to let him watch with us or go to sleep solo, I did what moms do and pulled out plan B. I started and paused CNN on our TV bedroom, we skipped a bath, brushed teeth and sped through a book in time for me to catch Biden punctuating the number of deaths so far in the pandemic. Minutes later our son came in sobbing and told me through tears that he was worried Matt and I would die. I’m not sure if it was the anxiety of one whose been cooped up for too long and knows too much about the virus killing hundreds of thousands or the coming-of-age fears of a seven-year-old boy, but either way I held him tight and did my best to make it all better.

I assured him that his dad and I weren’t going anywhere despite knowing that he knew such certainty was a facade. And in the same way the folks rallying for Trump trust his promises to make Covid-19 disappear, beautiful healthcare appear and America great, my son believed me because he wanted to, or maybe even needed to. He dozed off comforted by his weighted blanket and the belief that his parents would be there when he awoke. I shimmied down the bunk bed steps in time to catch Trump, ironically not a fan of the truth or Black people, compare himself to Honest Abe Lincoln.

George Floyd & baby Gianna via Reddit

As my son shared his fear of losing us, it brought up a similar fear I’d had as a 14-year-old terrified of losing my mother after my dad had died of cancer. I thought about how irreplaceable parents are in the nurturing of children emotionally and physically and about the countless children who have been denied such protection, in part due to Trump’s enacted policies, removed regulations and dangerous rhetoric that has emboldened hate and intolerance.

My mind went to Gianna Floyd, six-year-old daughter of George Floyd and Blessing Brooks whose father Rashard would miss their skating date to celebrate her 8th birthday after being murdered by Atlanta police. I thought about the 545 children separated from their parents by U.S. immigration authorities who have yet to be reunited with their families.

John Moore/Getty Images Two-year-old Honduran girl cries as her mother is searched by border patrol.

Amanda Kloots, Nick Cordero and their son Elvis via IG

I thought about kids with parents in prison who will need a miracle to break out of the broken system that has plagued their parents if things don’t changes and those who silently suffer with inadequate schooling and healthcare because their parents can’t afford to live in the good school district or health insurance.

What about the developmentally-delayed babies in places like Flint and New Orleans whose bottles were filled with lead-poisoned water and the kids struggling with asthma, gastrointestinal diseases and who knows what else due to a toxic environment they’ve guiltlessly inherited.

I thought of Elvis Cordero whose father Broadway star Nick Cordero succumbed to the Coronavirus this summer and the thousands of children whose parents were taken by a cruel disease that Trump continues to cruelly mock and minimize.

I don’t blame Donald Trump solely for these travesties, and I don’t claim that Joe Biden will be the knight on the white horse able to fix them all.

But I believe with all of my heart and head that another four years with Trump presents a menacing threat to democracy and humanity.

I also believe that Joe Biden is a man of character who will give everything he has to right any wrongs, including his own, and set us and our kids up for better days. What I cannot believe is that the universal, apolitical force that is a mother’s love would allow any woman who loves a child, even if not her own, to support this administration.

If you already agree with me and everyone you know does, too, then please make more of your free time with a nap or snack. If you’re still on team Trump, closeted or proudly out, stick with me a bit longer, as I attempt to change your mind.

If you’re in camp IDGAF…

(For moms with non-teenaged kids, that stands for “I don’t give a f#*ck”)

Berlin, 1/30/39, Reproduction by Roman Nerud

You may feel like all politicians are self-serving, power-hungry climbers who sell their soul to special interests instead of giving a flying flip about yours, and if so, I feel you sister. I understand the temptation to tackle your long to-do list instead of waiting in line to vote for yet another disappointment, but you can’t this year. Plato famously said,

“The price of apathy towards public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.”

Ummm, bring to mind any evil dictators? Our union is so far from perfect, but we need you to vote so that it doesn’t go to hell in a hand basket full of hate.

If your Christian values are getting in the way of casting a Biden ballot…

Please ask yourself, “WWJD?” I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite of what DJT would do. I don’t want to get into a war over the word of God because admittedly, I’m not the scripture-touting gal I once was. But what about Proverbs 29:7,

“The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.”

I know the complex issue of a woman’s right to choose is often at the crux of a Christian’s tendency to lean to the political right. But I believe it’s an issue that is grossly oversimplified and often used by men to divide women and thus weaken our political power. I also believe those who claim to be pro-life should support policies and leaders committed to improving the lives of all kids, otherwise, as Sister Joan Chittister says, they’re really “pro-birth,” and is that morally superior? Biden is a practicing Catholic, and speaking of Catholics, did you see the Pope recently came out in support of gay civil unions? And oh yeah, please don’t worry about Trump’s claim that Biden will cancel Christmas because well, that’s just crazy.

If you are a supporter of small government…

I get it in theory. And if the majority of society were people free of trauma at the hands of systemic racial and gender discrimination and presented with equal opportunities, this idea would work. But they aren’t, and if we ever hope to get there, we can’t elect a misogynist, racist to lead us. And by the way, we need government to keep things in check like viruses, our roads and highways, the food we eat, the prescriptions we need, the hospitals we rely on to save us and our families from any unchecked viruses and the schools teaching our kids. Maybe we should all quit arguing about less or more and work together for better.

If you’re worried about police being defunded…

This probably means unlike the grieving mothers of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Botham Jean, Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Antwon Rose and Trayvon Martin, you’ve never had to worry about the police killing your kids. Being afraid amidst unrest is human, but letting that fear grow into intolerance or complacency is decidedly inhumane. As white women, we must recognize our privilege not as something to feel shame about but something to motivate us to ensure no one else suffers because of it. Biden is committed to reforming not removing the police. On the heels of such visible, horrible racial injustice, we need a president to help all of us heal not hate.

I haven’t touched on taxes, foreign police or renewable energy, but my own gas tank is nearing empty, and I need to wrap this thing up. If you’ve decided to pull a Mitt, as in Romney, and publicly denounce Trump by denying him your vote but won’t say for whom you are voting, please consider instead following in the courageous footsteps of Republican mother Cindy McCain who is proudly voting her conscious over her party by voting for Joe Biden.

If you’re not ready to say BYEDON, I simply ask you to please give yourself more credit than Donald Trump ever has or ever will. Think about our sons and daughters and the kids who don’t have moms like you to look out for them, because they stand to lose the most if he wins. Do not let the opinions or urgings of family, friends, conspiracy theorists or even your preacher, party or partner trump your own, because as a mother, you know what's best.

Editor’s Update 10/29/20: Check out this podcast to hear Ohio suburban moms (some former Trump voters) chat about why they’re backing Biden.