The Peace in Release
Photo by Annette Shaff
I’ve been stuck in a bit of a rut. Days have seem filled with the schlepping of crap from one room to the next, buying more crap and then beating myself up for having too much crap. Frequent creative bursts have been thwarted by worry that no one will ever appreciate my brilliance, and time dedicated to ensuring my future success is disrupted by cute little people and dogs at my office door begging for food, attention or both.
Writing is often interrupted by bird watching and a grasping attempt to figure out the meaning of the bird’s message. The spiral is worsened with each Instagram scroll, and I move from questioning tactics like one Instagram account or two to questioning my right to write and ultimately my worth, as I remind myself that none of it really matters, because who am I kidding, I’m not brilliant anyway.
The monotony of pandemic life and the gloomy, winter weather hasn’t helped, but the propellor of this vicious cycle is my own neuro-diverse mind which changes often and requires ongoing effort to keep healthy.
I recently made a few mental shifts that seem to have gotten me back in the flow, and my new lease on life is surprisingly simple…release. By letting go of the things I don’t need, don’t want and that don’t serve me, I’m free to be myself which is the only way to be at peace.
Here are a few of the tips and tools I’m finding helpful for clearing out my home and my head…
1. Release the need to control.
As a big fan of spiritual author Tosha Silver’s book Outrageous Openness, I recently listened to her book Change Me Prayers filled with loving advice on how to let go and let God. She’s a stellar storyteller whose quirky voice grows on you and whose humble, encouraging approach pairs perfectly with her confident coaching on how to find God in yourself and trust her completely.
From Tosha Silver’s book Change Me Prayers via IG. Her book It’s Not Your Money: How to live fully from divine abundance is also a great read or listen with helpful ways to practice each of the tips I’ve included in this post.
2. Release the need to please.
“[…] I understand now that I’m not a mess but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. I explain that now, when someone asks me why I cry so often, I say, “For the same reason I laugh so often — because I’m paying attention.” I tell them that we can choose to be perfect and admired or to be real and loved. We must decide. If we choose to be perfect and admired, we must send our representatives out to live our lives. If we choose to be real and loved, we must send out our true and tender selves. […]”
–Love Warrior, Glennon Doyle Melton, September, 2016.
As a lifelong pleaser and one who struggles with self worth, I found countless helpful, inspirational nuggets of wisdom in Glennon Doyle’s memoir Love Warrior and highly recommend it for its raw honesty and gripping narrative. I’ve yet to finish her latest bestseller Untamed, but I know that it has been immensely helpful to fellow pleasers and perfectionists and look forward to coming back to it soon.
3. Release the need to ask for answers.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big proponent of asking for and accepting help, but I think the best help gives us tools to dig up the answers from inside of ourselves. I’ve known of Gabby Bernstein for several years and have been impressed with her from a personal branding perspective, but only recently listened to her work, specifically her Audible Original You Are The Guru in which she shares six messages to help you guide yourself back to inner peace at any moment. The modern-day sutras such as “in stillness we receive” and “inspired action clears the path,” are memorable, delightfully simple and endlessly practical.
4. Release your breath.
We’re told not to hold our breath and encouraged to breath deeply, but I am someone who finds the act of breathing to be anything but easy. It was my grasping at breath in the months after my daughter’s birth that eventually led me to seek counseling and ultimately medicinal therapeutic support for postpartum anxiety. Following my curiosity around breath work, I stumbled upon Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor.
While the start was a little slow for me as someone not as into the biological in’s and out’s of breathing as the healing benefits, I finished it and found it to be insightful and encouraging. The moral of the story, is that most of us are breathing incorrectly, and suffering from a slew of issues from anxiety to sinus infections and snoring as a result. Also included are breathing techniques and exercises to learn to breathe through your nose and more slowly for optimal mental, physical and spiritual health.
5. Release stuff & the need to buy more.
Ok, this is a tough one for me…actually they all are which is why I’m writing about them. I’ve worked hard to overcome my natural hoarding tendencies and am pretty good at cleaning out items, but I kind of suck at the whole “not buying more” part. Retail therapy is real. With each must-have added to cart, our brains get a hit of feel-good dopamine that unfortunately does not last as long as the item purchased. As with most everything, I think the key is moderation and mindfulness. It’s good to consider every purchase from your own budgetary, need and space perspectives, but it’s also important to consider environmental factors. Feel-good, fast fashion may be cheap and cheerful, but it comes at a high cost to the planet.
Regardless of of your shopping habits, it’s good to clear out from time to time. I’ve found that clearing out actual items helps me clear my mind, and it doesn’t have to be a huge Kon Mari or The Home Edit undertaking, although those are cool, too. But I think we (I) need to resist the urge to go Container Store crazy buying more stuff to organize our stuff, and instead pare down and part ways with the stuff we have and don’t need, use or love.
Some of my favorite places to donate:
Goodwill, Salvation Army or a local mission or church are great donation options for everyday items like clothing, books and homewares.
I like Habitat for Humanity ReStore for furniture and home decor items.
For higher end apparel and accessories, I’ve had good experience with luxury consignor The RealReal and for more everyday clothing, including kids, I like sustainably-minded online consignment ThredUP that will send you a clean-out kit, AKA big plastic bag, and responsibly recycle anything that doesn’t sell.
I’m in the midst of a book clean out and am planning to drop kids books off to Children Read Atlanta which gets Pre-K books in good condition to Head Start programs and adult books to X Books, a Georgia non-profit getting books to marginalized communities via prisons, community centers and homeless shelters. To find similar orgs, check out Prison Book Programs.
If you’re cleaning out your pantry, consider donating to a food pantry like Solidarity Sandy Springs here in Atlanta.
Do you have any favorite donation sites or tips for more conscious consumption? How about books or podcasts for letting go of limiting beliefs or bad habits?
If so, please share below!
